Deceitful Job Offer Responses

I made the mistake of "quick applying" to tons of entry level marketing positions on careerbuilder.com. After talking with countless deceitful people trying to convince me that I will be in management training for their "marketing firm" I started to get annoyed. Now I just have fun with it.

Just to be clear, these semi-legitimate "firms" advertise grand positions with vague business terms and sidestep every serious question I ask. They are tricking people into door to door sales. I do not mind door to door sales as a career choice, I just don't want to be tricked into it.

Here are some of my responses to their ludicrous offers:

Thank you, but after speaking for an hour with my psychic, he suggested that I might not be happy with the position at Central Payment Corporation. I trust his vision and judgement, and he said that because I am an Aquarius born under a half moon this will not work. I really want to interview for the position, but what the psychic says goes.

I am not who you think I am. I am a wizard with capabilities far greater than you could ever imagine. I should not speak about my talents via email, as the galactic government is reading all of my emails(sometimes even my thoughts). If you are truly interested in employing my sometimes unconventional sales tactics, meet me next full moon at the Santa Monica Pier.

I had unexpected personal issues. Sorry for the confusion. I will call you when all charges are cleared.